I'm not kitchen illiterate

Kyle wanted burgers and fries for dinner so I decided I'd have a grilled cheese and fries. When I cook, I cook on high. Everything. High or broil. I realize that's not the best way to cook but I'm impatient. My patience doesn't get better when I'm hungry.

So I turned on stove, put my pan on the burner, buttered my bread, and assembled my grilled cheese. While that side of the sandwich was cooking, I decided to go ahead and put the fries in the oven. As I was opening the oven, I noticed that there was black on the crust of the sandwich. I put the fries in and then flipped my sandwich, only to discover that it was burnt to a crisp. I turned the heat down to medium and let the other side cook. I swear, thirty seconds later, the other side of the sandwich was burnt. I had to throw it away.

I made myself another sandwich and open the window to get the burn stink out. I wanted some fries with it so I put it in the microwave to keep it safe while I cooked Kyle's burger and the fries finished.

Then I almost dropped a knife on my foot and Kyle told me that Food Network is gonna come out with a show called "Kitchen Illiterate" and I'm gonna be the star. Hey, whatever gets me famous, ok?

Anyway, Kyle eats Bubba burgers. They're frozen and you just put them in the pan. Easy peasy. Except when I turned them, went to get on Etsy for a minute, flipped them, and turned off the burner because I figured they were almost done. The next time I checked them, I found BLOOD ON THE BURGERS. I said, "Kyle! I don't think I did this right! There's BLOOD on them!" He turned his attention from Star Wars long enough to say, "No, that's how they're supposed to be."

Ok. whew.

He came in there and said, "Why did you turn the burner off?" I said, "because I thought they were almost done...but I guess not if there's blood on them."

He finished making his burgers while I got the fries out. And I took my grilled cheese out of the microwave, only to find that it was cold. So I heated it up in the microwave and the bread got soggy. It was gross. The bread I bought makes excellent toast but really nasty grilled cheese sandwiches.

So now I'm searching for actual recipes. Because I prefer to cook, not heat up frozen things. This is proving to be difficult because Kyle is a meat eater and me? Not so much.