Lately I've been depressed, moody, and just not myself.
By "lately", I mean for the past two years.
I just want to be myself again. I used to be confident and smart and funny. I didn't obsess over my appearance like most middle school or high school girls, now it's all I think about. Does this make me look fat? Does this make me look shorter? Is my hair ok? I can feel my pride in my work slipping, I'm hesitant to list things on Etsy because I don't feel like my work is as good as it used to be. My professors make me feel like I don't belong in their class, like I'm not up to the same level as others. I know that Elenor Roosevelt said that no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. I remind myself of that constantly but it doesn't help. I don't know how to not make myself feel inferior.
I think it's taking a toll on my relationship with Kyle. I don't want to be around him. The past few months I have been so excited at the idea of being married to him but now I don't want anything to do with marriage.
Part of me thinks it's seasonal affective disorder, another part thinks I might be bipolar. Kyle has said before that he thinks I might be bipolar. I need to go to the dr. so bad but everytime I say something to my mom, she says, "I'll find her (the dr.'s) card" or "Do you think it's just because you're not working right now?" Either way, I never go see anyone. I have a regular dr. appointment tomorrow and I'm hoping that he will notice something is wrong with me and tell my mom. Maybe if a doctor says it, she'll listen.
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3 comments:
*hugs*
I know what you mean. Did the doctor help any?
When it gets cold and dreary looking outside, I get a little depressed and I want to hibernate! See a dr, they will tell you what's up. BTW, everyone questions how they look, don't be so hard on yourself, you are young and pretty.
It did help, he put me on Zoloft and it's been almost a week. : )
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